Apr 5, 2008 - Singles' Day Out With The Apostolate Centre
The subject matter that has brought us together at this gathering and which I have been asked to share my thoughts – Chosing a Life Partner – is one that I consider very important and crucial in the life of every man and woman.
Its importance lies in the fact that one cannot afford to make a wrong choice based on wrong decision because of its adverse consequences which may be difficult to reverse.
Marriage, as we all know is an institution ordained by God as expressly stated in the scriptures Gen. 2: 23-24 “And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones…. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”. It is a covenant between a man and a woman to live the rest of their lives together, be of help to each other, care for one another in every situation and circumstances whether good or bad.
It is however becoming worrisome that contrary to the divine purpose which it is intended to serve, the institution of marriage is gradually and steadily losing its relevance especially among the younger generation. Instability in marriage as indicated by the high rate of divorce is a pointer to the need for this kind of forum where young men and women would receive counsels on vital issues that must be considered before making a choice of a life partner.
A major mistake that is common to all failed marriages is inability to discern between true love, infatuation or lust. Even in some cases where there is a clear question mark on the issues of compatibility without which it is difficult to have a fulfilled union in marriage, either of the two parties or both are blindfolded by “love” into believing that such issues are not too serious enough to be considered before taking a decision to get married.
Let me say at this point that it is impossible for two people to be 100% compatible. We are bound to have our differences based on social and cultural backgrounds among others. However, one must be able to identify certain traits, characters or attitudes that must not be compromised based on the understanding of the kind of person you are and what you look forward to in marriage.
The big question now is how do you know a person’s true character? This is the essence of courtship. It provides you the opportunity to know and understand each other better. On the strength of this understanding you can arrive at a wise decision. Although, it has often been said that people hide their true character before marriage, I believe with patience and vigilance, it is possible to see through the veil. According to a Yoruba saying, character is like a smoke, no matter how one tries to cover it up, it will escape into public glare.
Let me however emphasize, that no matter how clear the warning signs may be it would be invisible to a desperate individual. It is therefore very important to avoid the feeling of being under pressure or desperation to go into a relationship because any decision made in such a situation will most likely be subjective. It therefore makes good sense to take your time to choose the right person than to rush into a relationship that will not stand the test of time.
Do not discountenance the counsel and opinions of your parents, trusted friends and those who are experienced on issues of marriage. Always give their opinions some thought because they are better positioned to see what ordinarily you would have seen, but because you are in love, you most probably will not see.
Distinguished ladies and gentlemen, the surest way of making a good decision in life including the choice of a life partner is to seek the guidance of God through prayers and fasting. We must learn not to depend on our limited human knowledge and wisdom. He knows it all. He knows what is good for us because He knows us more than we know ourselves. He is our creator. We cannot get it wrong as long as we have absolute trust in His power to dispose our affairs.
Finally, do not be deceived. Marriage is not a bed of roses, it is full of challenges which every marital relationship must pass through even after making the right choice of a partner. The good news however is that when you are married to the right partner, you have succeeded in laying a solid foundation that will stand the test of marital challenges.
I wish you best of luck and pray that God will in His infinite mercy guide you through the process of making the right choice.
I thank you for your kind attention
Her Excellency
Mrs. Abimbola Fashola
First Lady of Lagos State